Evening Sky

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Evening.

Jupiter low in the east.

Venus low in the west.

Went back inside and drew a tarot card: 7 of wands, upright: courage against the odds.

So we have love and war in opposition: distant from each other but still squared off and dominating the sky around them.

And we have encouragement: both that we will need courage and that we have the resources to face the coming troubles.

New Information

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Awhile back, I was in a crappy marriage and had premonitions of my husband’s death. Later, I perceived black void energy around his liver. He refused to go to the doctor. I didn’t push. There were many other problems to tackle. Eventually, we split. A couple months after I left, he had a serious injury to his back that required emergency surgery. During that surgery, they discovered Stage 4 liver cancer. He woke up from the surgery with 6 months to learn to walk and 6 months to live. He lived 9 months.

I wouldn’t have wished that on anybody, not even him despite all the awful sabotage he created.

Since then, I sometimes see that dark energy in people’s bodies. I usually get to talking to them if I can. If they are seeing a doctor, I leave it at that. If they are not, I encourage them to do so if they seem open to the idea.

Last weekend, I was visiting friends at an instructors’ seminar. One of the dearest of the group had congestive heart failure a few months ago. He keeps saying he’s better, on the mend, improving, it wasn’t that bad.

But I saw that black void energy curling into his heart muscle, and I think he has less than a year to live. For the first half an hour of being in the room with him, the impression was so strong I had difficulty concentrating on the martial arts. A friend asked me if I was ok, and I told him the truth. Those two are long-term tight friends and lying doesn’t protect anyone.

The gentleman is seeing a doctor. He does say the experience has him planning for his family’s future in ways that assume his presence is an unknown variable. He is telling people he loves them and appreciates them. He’s saying he’s had a good run and loves his life.

He doesn’t need me to tell him a thing, except the obvious: he is loved, respected, appreciated, and I am glad of his presence in my life.

Ow.

Premonitions

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So 10 years ago, I met a friend mentioned here in this blog. She said she wasn’t very good at visiting other people, and I said, “Just visit me once a year at my place, otherwise in 8 years I’ll decide you’re selfish and shallow and that will be the end of it.” We were really good friends for 8 years until two years ago when it all went down exactly as I had predicted. Sigh. This isn’t unusual.

 

Twelve years ago, I started a new job and met another new recruit who I found very attractive. I soon found out he was engaged and felt rather disappointed. Intuition said, “It’s ok. In 10 or 12 years, he’ll be divorced and you two will have a chance to know each other well.”  In this case, “know each other well” meant “develop a relationship beyond professional limits unfettered by imposed sociological limits of others.” Specifically neither including or excluding romantic attachment or sex. Specifically including ongoing free expression of human connection on tems appropriate at the time.

 

We worked together for several years, often on yard duty together chatting, always reserved about the parts of our mutual appreciation that were sociologically inexpressible for honest people who don’t like to make emotional messes.

 

He was divorced about two years ago.

 

Today, since I am in town and he recently crossed paths unexpectedly at a convention with my daughter and other dear (also unexpectedly mutual) friends, we decided to meet this weekend. We skipped lunch or a stroll in a museum and decided I’d come over and help him patch a leaky roof. I am ridiculously pleased for a chance to feed a connection with a dear intelligent respectful interesting comrade. Though the working-together plan may be incendiary, since the dazzling real me appears quickly in those contexts.

 

My one true love is a long way away and married. He and I will probably have an honest chance during this lifetime and will certainly get a chance in future lives. All other relationships I have tried have utterly failed to be him. I will stubbornly hold space for that honest chance, though I expect it will be years until then.

 

But I’m still going to help fix that roof this weekend with lifelong friendship and a naughty spark in mind.

 

Foreboding

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Be careful out there, folks. One could say this any day, of course, and it would be true for probably more than half of you.

Deep sadness in Mammoth yesterday affecting dozens of people. I get the feeling one of our well-loved 1,500 passed away and a few families are having to reorganize to cope with the change. Elder male with long-term health problems exacerbated by stubbornness and difficulty interacting with medical services.

Bless his heart and peace to all.

Psychics and social media

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Certainly it is important to stay current on social media to make a business out of a psychic talent.

On the other hand, if I just want to help people, all I do is hang out my shingle on “the other side”. Spirits approach, their people on this side find me, and the messages get through.

So I have been busy, despite the online silence.

Sometimes it’s tarot readings at parties, sometimes messages from passed loved ones, sometimes animal communication, sometimes human communication, sometimes spiritual retreats in the wilderness.

True talent, no BS, no piddling guessing games. Low rates and service with a smile.

laurel@saruchan.net

 

Listening to the dog

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Khali the stray obviously had been a mother before.

       We’re in a small mountain town surrounded by wilderness with a lot of breeding pitbull females and a lot of puppies and not very many adult pets. There certainly aren’t the 100 puppies that crank out into the community every year. I know some puppies go into fighting. I know some go into homes where if food and a place to crap isn’t enough, the puppy dies.

I was planning to get Khali spayed, so I asked her if no more puppies was ok with her. To my astonishment, she showed me a mental map of the neighborhood with something like black holes over the areas where her puppies had disappeared or died. She even had mental erasures that diminished the sound of the weaned babies’ crying while she was unable to reach them or save them. Then she switched to a series of images of fighting off males while she was in heat. These are very unusually perceptive and clear communications. I had no idea she was so aware of the fate of her puppies and of the dog fighting culture.

So in answer to my question, I paraphrase Kahli: “Spay? You mean no more rape? No more puppies getting stolen and killed? SIGN ME UP!”

It is now a week after surgery. She is no longer bitchy with males. She’s starting to skip and play. She’s trying to decide if she should be cleaning and protecting the cat, since I obviously disagree with eating him. The cat tolerated a mom-dog bath, not sure whether to be amused, alarmed, or absent.

This is a really good dog. I’m glad she appeared.

Fair warning.

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20160713tarot

 

Okie dokie. Drew these cards to post a couple days ago, felt like it was something for me I didn’t want to hear, and distracted myself with other projects.

The question was, “What does someone seeing this blog need to hear?”

Let’s see what it says…

You are: 10 of pentacles, generosity and fulfillment
Trying to: Sun, new vitality, assurance, enlightenment
But crossed by: 4 of pentacles, possession, control
Best advice is: 7 of swords tumbling, secrecy and self-interest
Remember: 5 of pentacles, sadness, illness
So – You are a generous, fulfilled person trying to gain new vitality, assurance and enlightenment. You are crossed by somebody’s need for possession and control of you. Quietly taking care of your interests during this time of uncomfortable change is the best advice. There is sadness and illness in the future among those you love.

Truth wins.

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LiluTilt640

Ah, an excellent example of what I have been speaking of. I hoped she’d be out of the hospital and good as new. I said so.

But the truth did not arrive from my prognosticated hopes. The truth arrived from my pets. Even after she came home from surgery, the puppy told me she was dying. The hound said so and the cat said so. Certainly they could smell the beginnings of her systemic breakdown.

Warnings like “she won’t even be here when this cute pit bull t-shirt you just ordered arrives” (from the middle of June before she was ill) and “you only need one bag of dog food” and “don’t buy the new collar yet” (last week) became more frequent and undeniable.

And here we are. The puppy is dead. Her little spirit did a sit-and-shake to please me, since I was so upset. She was confused seeing me cry over her carcass because “that thing got broken; it hurt.” Then she floated into her afterlife, with a tendril hanging back to keep an eye on us.

Hang on for the ride!

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You’re a woman brought up to be responsible, kind, and capable managing money and resources. The reasonable prosperity and growth you have come to expect is losing stability. Your responsibility and kindness aren’t preventing problems as they usually do. You’re so used to your stillness and mental power solving things that, now that those fine qualities aren’t doing the trick, you’re getting a little panicky and losing confidence in your abilities.

Good news and uncomfortable news are mixed here. Bliss and granted wishes are coming your way, but the path from here to there is marked with unexpected crisis, upheaval, and change.

For yesterday’s daughter

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Eighty percent of these cards are tumbling. You are along for the ride in your life right now. What you can do about it is manage your values and behavior well, no matter the whacked external circumstances. As usual, money and love and your soul are at stake.
You’re a woman – not *just* starting out, but you’ve only been around the block a couple times. Your teamwork and determination are central to your self-image, but your faith in yourself is shaken. You’re not on a functional team and determination isn’t fixing it. You want a lasting true love, but the partner you’re with ain’t that. You’re a skilled craftsperson, but your current situation keeps you away from that productive creativity.
Seeking personal victory over the external messes won’t get you anywhere.
Your responsibility and kindness will steer you out of this mess. That’s the path to follow.  You will rise above, victorious in your self-mastery.

For the Father of Wands

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For a creative, charismatic father who is trying to be supportive and diplomatic toward a daughter, now a young woman, who is energetically taking on the world: Your efforts are hampered by your ideas about success and reward. She doesn’t value the rewards that motivate you.
Though you wait to let things take their course and develop naturally, it is her nature to take challenges head on. She is honest and insightful, which will help her very much. The current melodramatic beginnings and early costly mistakes obstruct your view of a future for her marked with hope, peace of mind, and well-balanced generosity.
She’s a great kid. Let her make her own mistakes and trust she’ll find a way to independent adulthood.

Fate

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Something about being a psychic. I don’t know everything. I don’t see the my own future very well. I often see a trail of breadcrumbs in the spiritual clues I perceive, but the pattern doesn’t make sense until I see that witchy gingerbread house. I don’t look past barriers people have for themselves without permission. Sometimes information comes to me freely. Sometimes I have to ask.

 

So?

 

There’s young woman who I’ve seen grow for the last eight years, first as part of a community of worship, then as a student in my class, then as a family friend. She passed away after being struck by a car late Thursday night. She was 22.

 

If I look back, I can see moments when I sought a little peek into her future and didn’t see anything. Sometimes that means a life cut short. Sometimes it means the information I seek is not for me. I’m beginning to tell the difference between those two “flavors” of non-information, but not reliably. Frankly, I’d rather not get enough practice to master the difference.

 

Psychics like me do have special knowledge that others’ don’t have. But it doesn’t make life any easier, it doesn’t prevent tragedy among those I love, it doesn’t assure that the warnings I *do* get will be heeded. It is soothing to know love and identity can persist after death. I love how my skills can help people feel better. I enjoy the stories that whisper from objects, locations, and time.

 

But never assume that a psychic is somehow protected from the “slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”. If anything, we suffer our own troubles; experience the sufferings of those we love more directly; and perceive suffering in strangers past, present, and future. It takes conscious practice to resist absorbing all this to create depression, and conscious practice to absorb all the joy and wonder that’s handy to create balance and happiness.

For my friend H. S.

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You seek inspiration and a new beginning. This feels related to your job. The variables are not in your hands, so you’re more hoping for change than seeing a clear path to it.
You’re trying to relieve the nightmares and anguish of those students, but their circumstances are real and sometimes really terrible.
Your solitude, self-reflection, and meditation help you cope and help you think up ways within your sphere of influence to help.
Best advice is to continue to seek rebirth and awakening for yourself and your students. Forgiveness for their families, them, and yourself will help a lot. It’s a messy adventure for everybody, and the huge positive results of your efforts may often hide in the merest glimmer of hope in the eyes of that behaviorally disordered kid.
Remember you are experienced, perceptive, and have dedicated yourself to this battle for the sake of vulnerable people. The fight for them, for their minds and spirits is unending. It ebbs and flows without regard for how much you can take today.
Take good care of yourself and carry on the good work.

For loving father & adventuresome son

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20160621tarot

For a supportive and diplomatic father whose usual ability to love and protect isn’t making things better and who is trying to sort through the mess of illusion and deception around him:
You are crossed by a charming, adventurous, rather magical young man. He is probably your son. He is definitely someone you’ve had a role in bringing up and someone you want to protect, even from his own actions. He’s also the source of the illusion and deception. He’s working to do as he pleases without consequence and while maintaining your good opinion of him.
Best advice is to remember that the path you are on – doing your best as a father – is the right thing to do and will lead to completion of goals and celebration.
Remember this young man has a destiny to find and fulfill. He wants a challenging voyage of discovery. He wants a magical change of course for himself. He will find it, but by its very nature, it’s not going to be safe for him or feel comfortable for you.  Supporting him through his “voyage of the hero” by encouraging him to strike out on his own will get much better results for your relationship than trying to keep him in the kiddie pool.

For the December man

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For a rather magical strong-willed man who is used to enjoying achievements and triumphs…
Trying to maintain his normal sense of stillness and mental power…
But crossed by a young female, a much younger lover, whose emotional and romantic notions are getting tiresome.
Best advice is to move on.
You have a period of intense drama to endure.

 

You’re clinging to a thread…

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For an adult male clinging to a last thread – your life, your expectations, your luck, your relationships, your housing and job security are all down the drain. You’re not sure how it all happened, and you’re sure you don’t deserve this much suffering over your actions. It’s unlikely you’ll see this post unless you’re using the local library to stay connected.
You’re trying to figure out how to learn something from all this, get back to normal, and stay there debt-free.
But a well-meaning and businesslike person of about your age and background is loyal to his business and determined to see you pay for what he believes is fairly your responsibility.
The best advice is to focus on fulfilling your responsibility and on finding wholeness and contentment for your self without the spend-spend-spend emotional patch.  Give up caring what you think they think you’re worth in cash. Develop your internal resources of character. Get your mind, body, and spirit aligned toward any positive goal.
Remember a new sense of vitality, confidence, and spiritual understanding (you scoff now, but you won’t later) is within reach for you. That path isn’t marked; if it were, you’d still probably miss the signs. First you have to learn to see new signs. Then you can begin trekking. The transition to being a man of substance is going to be arduous. Then again, you’re going to be a lot happier and more whole when you’re through.

At war & at rock bottom

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20160617tarot

For: A young person whose stillness and considerable mental powers are totally (and uncharacteristically) unequal to the mess you’re in.
Most of your cards are tumbling and most of them are swords. In general, you feel at war with reality. Nothing is going as you planned and you can’t steer events the way you wish.

Trying to: manage a determined and forceful male personality about your age who feels right when he creates conflict.
But crossed by: a depressing sense of hitting rock bottom and experiencing these events as the totality of your world.
Best Advice: Getting out of this mess involves sacrifice of familiar family behavior patterns, revising value systems, and seeing your situation from a new, more “big picture” perspective.
Remember: There will be news that changes the situation and upon which you must take action. Choose to step away from old patterns that aren’t working and try something new.  You might have to let this young man in your family make costly mistakes and love him nonjudgmentally in spite of his need to learn the hard way. Meditation and puzzles or other logical pursuits might help you regain your stillness and mental acuity.

For the High Priestess

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Putting it together…

For: The High Priestess, whose ways are marked with mystery, patience, self-reflection, and quiet power
Trying to: Move on after heartbreak crashed in
But crossed by: the challenge of embracing new vitality, assurance, and enlightenment
Best Advice: Love begins, but not according to your plan.
Remember: The outcome of facing your internal challenges is living with a sense of generosity and fulfillment.

 

 

For one in grief and seeking enlightenment

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For: A person seeking solitude, self-reflection, and meditation who finds the search very challenging
Trying to: achieve a fulfilling sense of purpose and enough worldly success to continue this path
But crossed by: internal and external expectations of “completion” and “contentment”
Best Advice: Loss, grief, and regret are normal processes; it’s healthy to ride through. You can’t change what happened, and you shouldn’t kill off your feelings in order to cope. Feel it, ride it out, and let it park in the past while you continue your adventures.
Remember: A future suffused with harmony and joy is a realistic outcome of this situation, but it won’t appear based on a planned path.
Also: Your goal and the context of worldly systems are stable. Cards describing you, good advice for you, and positive outcomes for you exist around you and affect your process, but you are along for the ride and not steering.
You’re committed to a path of enlightenment under very real duress. You’re seeking goals others do not understand. What you have to learn is a deep personal challenge. External achievements and successes won’t mean much to you unless you learn to keep your soul polished.

For a daughter caring for an elderly father

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20160614tarot

For: A person seeking balance and experiencing profound change
Trying to: Remain responsible and kind toward elders
But crossed by: A usually fair, just, and analytical elder male whose ability to act from his best qualities is faltering deeply, but his willingness to fight isn’t faltering. Problem is he isn’t measuring what’s worth fighting about well at all anymore.
Best Advice: Taking this man’s behavior on his own terms – conflict – will create competition and defeat between you. Everybody loses. Frame it so you are on his side and you’re calmly solving problems together.
Remember: You have the inner strength and stamina to do this task well. You’re not sure of this, and it feels like an unhappy roller coaster. Have faith in yourself.
Also:  All of your cards are tumbling, except your goal. Stay focused on remaining responsible and kind toward your elders. That value system will offer stability and direction for you even when everything else is spinning.

For the peaceful warrior

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You’re a person with great inner resources of strength and persistence. You’re trying to achieve  rebirth on an unsteerable course. The course is passable, but it is going to require a lot of flying by the set of your heart. The Fool obstructs you. In the short term, the situation will feel unjust. Remember that your decisions affect your karma. Behaving justly despite others’ actions will lead to positive long term results. Love blossoms in the oddest places.

For a romantic young woman

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You’re a passionate young woman. You wish to share bliss with someone who suits your romantic sensibilities. But a feeling of loss or grief beyond your control is in the way. Remember that this loyal, determined, financially successful young man upon whom you’ve set your heart is only within your reach if he chooses to approach you. You want somebody to be your whole world, but you’ve selected a guy who doesn’t want that role with you. There is a possible future with a magical, charming, adventurous young man. To get there from here you have to outgrow your willingness to tank your life over a one-sided relationship, let yourself shine without bending yourself to what you think a guy you don’t even know well wants, and embrace the magic when a truly mutual chance for love appears.

For a young couple trying hard

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Putting it together…

You’re a young couple who face obstacles in your relationship. You’re trying to work within the system and learn what you need to develop a good life together. Your money or resources like housing are in the control of a generally good and kind person who has different ideas than you do about what should be done. Since she makes the decisions, you two feel a bit stuck. There is a path to the completion and celebration of your goal, but it means riding your faith and staying positive and productive even when your plans go splat. Plans aren’t going to get you there.  What you need is a shift in perspective. You’re going to have to embrace solutions and perspectives that are scary now. You can let this process drag you through change with suffering, or you can step up and grow spiritually thus making the external changes relatively easy to manage while keeping your goal and positive relationships strong.

For a Dad trying to make it work

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For: a supportive and diplomatic male with some earned respect and authority (Father of Cups)

Trying to: achieve a goal with sheer determination (2 of Wands)

But crossed by: a desire for victory or achievement in completing the goal (6 of Wands)

Best Advice: give respect, logic, and stability to those you protect (The Emperor)

Remember: a father figure to you was too concerned with financial outcomes and created damaged relationships with his offspring (Father of Pentacles)

 

Putting it together…

You’re probably a single father with your children just reaching into teen years. Things are getting difficult, and you will never ever give up on them. But your need to win (or even to make obvious progress that sticks on a weekly time scale) gets in the way of getting good results with your loved ones. They need respect, firm and fair limits early and often, and for you to use that will power to create stability for them when you have to say no. You learned your parenting skills from a man who was too concerned about the dollar value of all work. He confused “dollar value” with “value” and created some unforgiving patterns towards his wards. Try to give those persistent limits your wards so desperately need with love and gentleness.

 

Love kicks ass and takes names, too.