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Awhile back, I was in a crappy marriage and had premonitions of my husband’s death. Later, I perceived black void energy around his liver. He refused to go to the doctor. I didn’t push. There were many other problems to tackle. Eventually, we split. A couple months after I left, he had a serious injury to his back that required emergency surgery. During that surgery, they discovered Stage 4 liver cancer. He woke up from the surgery with 6 months to learn to walk and 6 months to live. He lived 9 months.

I wouldn’t have wished that on anybody, not even him despite all the awful sabotage he created.

Since then, I sometimes see that dark energy in people’s bodies. I usually get to talking to them if I can. If they are seeing a doctor, I leave it at that. If they are not, I encourage them to do so if they seem open to the idea.

Last weekend, I was visiting friends at an instructors’ seminar. One of the dearest of the group had congestive heart failure a few months ago. He keeps saying he’s better, on the mend, improving, it wasn’t that bad.

But I saw that black void energy curling into his heart muscle, and I think he has less than a year to live. For the first half an hour of being in the room with him, the impression was so strong I had difficulty concentrating on the martial arts. A friend asked me if I was ok, and I told him the truth. Those two are long-term tight friends and lying doesn’t protect anyone.

The gentleman is seeing a doctor. He does say the experience has him planning for his family’s future in ways that assume his presence is an unknown variable. He is telling people he loves them and appreciates them. He’s saying he’s had a good run and loves his life.

He doesn’t need me to tell him a thing, except the obvious: he is loved, respected, appreciated, and I am glad of his presence in my life.

Ow.

At war & at rock bottom

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20160617tarot

For: A young person whose stillness and considerable mental powers are totally (and uncharacteristically) unequal to the mess you’re in.
Most of your cards are tumbling and most of them are swords. In general, you feel at war with reality. Nothing is going as you planned and you can’t steer events the way you wish.

Trying to: manage a determined and forceful male personality about your age who feels right when he creates conflict.
But crossed by: a depressing sense of hitting rock bottom and experiencing these events as the totality of your world.
Best Advice: Getting out of this mess involves sacrifice of familiar family behavior patterns, revising value systems, and seeing your situation from a new, more “big picture” perspective.
Remember: There will be news that changes the situation and upon which you must take action. Choose to step away from old patterns that aren’t working and try something new.  You might have to let this young man in your family make costly mistakes and love him nonjudgmentally in spite of his need to learn the hard way. Meditation and puzzles or other logical pursuits might help you regain your stillness and mental acuity.

For a young couple trying hard

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Putting it together…

You’re a young couple who face obstacles in your relationship. You’re trying to work within the system and learn what you need to develop a good life together. Your money or resources like housing are in the control of a generally good and kind person who has different ideas than you do about what should be done. Since she makes the decisions, you two feel a bit stuck. There is a path to the completion and celebration of your goal, but it means riding your faith and staying positive and productive even when your plans go splat. Plans aren’t going to get you there.  What you need is a shift in perspective. You’re going to have to embrace solutions and perspectives that are scary now. You can let this process drag you through change with suffering, or you can step up and grow spiritually thus making the external changes relatively easy to manage while keeping your goal and positive relationships strong.