You seek inspiration and a new beginning. This feels related to your job. The variables are not in your hands, so you’re more hoping for change than seeing a clear path to it.
You’re trying to relieve the nightmares and anguish of those students, but their circumstances are real and sometimes really terrible.
Your solitude, self-reflection, and meditation help you cope and help you think up ways within your sphere of influence to help.
Best advice is to continue to seek rebirth and awakening for yourself and your students. Forgiveness for their families, them, and yourself will help a lot. It’s a messy adventure for everybody, and the huge positive results of your efforts may often hide in the merest glimmer of hope in the eyes of that behaviorally disordered kid.
Remember you are experienced, perceptive, and have dedicated yourself to this battle for the sake of vulnerable people. The fight for them, for their minds and spirits is unending. It ebbs and flows without regard for how much you can take today.
Take good care of yourself and carry on the good work.